"Did you ever hear the one about Jesus being Gay? No? Well...it seems there were these two queens, and one of them insisted that Jesus was gay, and the other one was equally adamant that he wasn't. So the first one says 'Well, what about that drag he always wore?' and the other one says 'You nellie twit, all the men wore drag in those days!'
"‘Then what about that long, Marcelled hair?’ said the first.
"‘My dear, all the men had their hair long and Marcelled in those days!’
"'Okay,' says the first one, 'But what about all those men who kept following him?'
"'You really are exasperating, you silly goose! Those were his Followers. That's what Followers do, Precious, they follow!’"
"'Oh, all right!’ says the first. 'I'll give you the drag, and I'll give you the long, wavy hair, and I'll even give you all those so-called Followers - also in drag, I might add - but please tell me this: Who...who but a Queen...would get out of a boat...in the middle of a lake...in the middle of a storm...and say ‘I'll walk!’?"
My first reaction was to cringe, expecting lightening through the ceiling! I laughed a little too loudly with the others, but a new image entered my mind: of Jesus in a brilliant white gown, a neon halo tilted slightly above his head, flouncing gaily across the waves on the Sea of Galilee, with all of the disciples on the boat applauding and cheering and throwing kisses!
That was the seed that planted "Gay Jesus" in my mind. It has grown to this:
WAS JESUS GAY?
THAT'S WHY THEY CRUCIFIED HIM.
Many years ago, in 1948, when I was 15 & a Sophomore in a 99% Mormon High School, in Vernal, Utah, during my second year of "LDS Seminary," we studied The New Testament. I spent a year reading and re-reading it, memorizing it and discussing it with other students and the teachers of the classes.
Of course, all the students and teachers were Mormons and we all believed that Jesus was the Son of God, and Joseph Smith was God's True Prophet, etc. Fortunately for me, Mormons believe the Bible to be the word of God, "as far as it is translated correctly." This Article of Faith allowed me to question the holy of holies without fear of eternal damnation.
Many things bothered me about the stories of Jesus, because the four Gospels didn't exactly compare with each other, and that became a problem for me, because if they were all "The Word of God," divinely inspired by The Son of God, they would all be identical, and totally truthful. But they weren't identical - or, as it turns out, truthful. Some stories didn't match; some things simply didn't make sense. They were "non-sequiturs." Quotations out of context. Questions that were answered with answers that didn't fit the questions - but did fit the Christian doctrine.
One thing I started to wonder, somewhere during my puberty, was Why was John-The-Beloved any more 'Beloved' than the other apostles? Jesus supposedly loved everyone equally, so why were so many points made of John-the-Beloved being "the apostle Jesus loved." Of course, those many points were made by John, himself, and repeated by his followers, working the concept into their new religion: "I, John-the-Beloved was the Apostle Jesus Loved." He wanted it remembered that he, John, was Jesus' lover. The heterosexual priests and preachers turn themselves inside out trying to explain that relationship. As they do with David and Jonathan. Ruth and Naomi.
Those relationships couldn't be voiced, or even named, because homosexuality was "sodomism" and strictly forbidden by Mosaic law. It was much like Gay Life used to be for us, up until recently, when there were no websites or magazines or newspapers and those of us who didn't want to end up in jail used code words and secret phrases & we met "underground."
The Jewish punishment for Sodomy was Crucifixion, the most public, thus humiliating and painful, way to die, (much more satisfying than stoning!) It was considered a fitting punishment for that most unforgivable sin. That was the crime they eventually charged Jesus with, not claiming to be The Messiah! He kept saying "That is what you call me. I call myself The Son of Man."
At first I was baffled over why Jesus got indignant with Peter because Peter objected to John's waiting around for him after some event. (John 20) He said "What is it to you if I want him to stay and wait for me?" That quarrel has made it through almost two thousand years of tweaks and editings, but it has never been answered or explained in context. Somebody memorized it (the 'oral tradition') but they weren't sure exactly what he meant by it, so they added their own explanation. And many generations later, someone wrote it down, but they weren't exactly sure why he said it, or when he had said it, or what it meant, or what happened next, and so they copied the quote, and "explained it" as best they could, maybe tweaking it just a little to change the meaning just slightly - but enough to fit the image they were promoting. It had to fit within the Christian Box.
I couldn't imagine why Jesus would quarrel with his Holy First Lieutenant, Big Peter, about wanting John to wait for him? What was the big deal? I couldn't stop myself wondering if it was because Peter knew Jesus and John-the-Beloved were going to sleep together that night, and make love, and Peter was jealous. I was horrified at myself for such an idea, and I tried not to think about it, but it's a memory that has stayed with me all my life - and I now believe it pointed me in the direction I followed.
Jesus also quoted David a lot. He is called "Son of David" in many texts. In my mind, David is like "Super Jew" who loved Jonathan better than Bathsheba, thereby validating homosexual love. Half of our Gay Institutions invoke David as being the first Gay-Libber. I believe Jesus was the second. Maybe John the Baptist was third.
Someone has suggested that the original "Baptisms" were not getting dunked in the river Jordan, but that "baptism" was the code name for sexual union between two men, between the Master and the Initiate -- reinterpreted by heterosexual preachers generations later. That would suggest that John the Baptist was also preaching a homosexual lifestyle, "baptizing" new believers into The Kingdom of Heaven, preaching the same thing that Jesus was preaching: Love between men.
But John got heterosexualized just like Jesus!
In an illuminating online essay entitled "NEW TESTAMENT ANALYSIS: Jesus Was Gay According to Mark-jk and Prof Smith," Professor Morton Smith examines at length a newly discovered letter from "St. Clemens, Bishop of Alexandria," which Prof. Smith believes clearly establishes that Jesus was a homosexual and that sex between men was a part of an initiation into The Divine Mysteries.
In a quote from the letter, Mark tells the "secret truth," that a certain youth, whom Jesus had just "raised from the dead," "looked upon Jesus and loved him and wanted to be with him, came to him on the 6th night, his naked body covered with a linen cloth, and stayed with him all night as Jesus initiated him into The Kingdom of Heaven."
It is documented in Prof. Smith's article and in many other websites devoted to "Gay Jesus," that the New Testament accounts of him have been doctored, tweaked, revised, reversed and grossly stretched beyond recognition by the Good Fathers of The Church and all the many offshoots it has spawned. "They have hidden the Keys to the Kingdom. They will neither enter, nor let their followers enter. They are like dogs sleeping in a manger. They will not eat, nor will they let the cattle eat."
I Googled "Gay Jesus" the other day and was amazed by the number of people who would seem to agree with me! There are hundreds of Gay Jesus sites out there on The Web/Big Brother! (We are being watched & monitored; the feds still think we're the Bad Guys) I have been to several of those websites and they all concern new or newly-interpreted information about the man people know as "Jesus Christ," and they all indicate that Jesus never claimed to be Christ, that was Peter's idea. The original Jesus wasn't talking about going to Heaven when you die. He was talking about "Get rid of Jewish sin and guilt and redemption by money, and replace that with Love; forgive each other & live together in the Kingdom of Heaven - here & now." I am convinced that he was teaching an anti-Mosaic, homosexual way of life, of men-loving-men (and women loving women - Mary Magdalene, Mary and Martha, all fit in there somehow) and that "baptism" was code for the sexual union of 2 men - (or women) - especially within a community of similar-minded souls (think monasteries & nunneries) as a means of entering "The Kingdom of Heaven," or "The All."
His recruiting motto was "I will make you fishers of men."
There is evidence coming to light that for 2000 years, more or less - depending on who says what about exactly when it happened - the Catholic/Christian Church has suppressed all the homosexual stuff in Jesus' original teachings - and has ended up with an emasculated philosophy-of-life practiced as a religion. The Gospel According to Thomas, ... According to Mark, ... According to Judas, and probably many more Gospels we don't know about, indicate that Jesus "baptized" the men who loved him by having sex with them, initiating them into the mysteries of his new way of life. "Love other men as I have loved you, and you will enter The Kingdom of Heaven."
According to the website "Jesus Was Gay According to Mark--jk and Prof Smith": Bishop Clemens of Alexandria, later "Saint Clemens," wrote to a disciple named Theodore, who had asked for advice regarding the Caprocratians' (a Gnostic Christian sect) use of the "Secret Gospel of Mark." Clement not only confirmed the existence and authority of "Secret Mark" in his reply, but actually denounced the Carpocrates for using black magic to steal a copy "Secret Mark" from the church library! So scandalous was the Carpocratian "The Secret Gospel of Mark" that Clement advised Theodore never to admit that Mark even wrote it: "You did well in silencing the unspeakable teachings of the Carpocratians. For... priding themselves in knowledge, as they say, 'of the deep things of Satan,' they do not know that they are casting themselves away into 'the nether world of darkness'... For even if they should say something true, one who loves the truth should not, even so, agree with them.... Now of the things they keep saying about the divinely inspired Gospel of Mark... even if they do contain some true elements, [these] are not reported truly....As for Mark then, during Peter's stay in Rome [Mark] wrote an account of the Lord's doings, not, however, declaring all of them, nor yet hinting at the secret ones, but selecting what he thought most useful for increasing the faith of those who were instructed.... But when Peter died a martyr, Mark came over to Alexandria, bringing both his own notes and those of Peter, from which he transferred to his former book the things suitable to whatever makes for progress towards knowledge. Thus he composed a more spiritual gospel for the use of those who were being perfected. Nevertheless, he [Mark] yet did not divulge the things not to be uttered, nor did he write down the hierophantic teaching of the Lord [and] he left his composition in the church in... Alexandria, where it is... most carefully guarded, being read only by those who are being initiated into the great mysteries.
"But since the foul demons are always devising destruction for the race of men, Carpocrates... using deceitful arts, so enslaved a certain presbyter in the church that he got from a copy of the secret gospel, which he interpreted according to his blasphemous and carnal doctrine...therefore, as I said above, one must never give way...[or] even concede that the secret gospel is by Mark... but deny it on oath. For, 'Not all true things are to be said to all men..."
This letter is strong evidence that the Secret Gospel of Mark was in fact the complete version of Mark, and what we have in The Holy Bible is the edited version by the Church fathers. Barnstone ... lists as being visible signs of this editing process: Mark 4:ll; 9:25-27; 10:21, 32,38-39; 12:32-34; 14:51-52. What, then, were these "true things" that the Church fathers hoped to hide from the untutored eyes of the average Christian? What was "the unspeakable?"
St. Clement quotes from this complete, "Secret Gospel of Mark" at length towards the end of his letter. Clement in the last third of his letter to Theodore wrote: "To you, therefore I shall not hesitate to answer the questions you have asked refuting the falsifications by the very words of the [Secret] Gospel (Barnstone 342). "And they come into Bethany. And a certain woman whose brother had died was there. And she prostrated herself before Jesus and says to him, Son of David, have mercy on me. But the disciples rebuked her. And Jesus, being angered, went off with her unto the garden where the tomb was, and straightway a great cry was heard from the tomb. And going near, Jesus rolled away the stone from the door of the tomb. And straightway, going in where the youth was, he stretched forth his hand and raised him, seizing his hand. But the youth, looking upon him, loved him and began to beseech him that he might be with him. And going out of the tomb they came into the house of the youth, for he was rich. And after six days Jesus told him what to do and in the evening the youth came to him, wearing a linen cloth over his naked body. And he remained with him that night, for Jesus taught him the mystery of the Kingdom of God. And thence, arising (having been "baptized"?), he returned to the other side of the Jordan."
As far as anything written and known so far, Jesus, himself, never married -- Dan Brown to the contrary (That was John the Beloved, not Mary Magdalene next to Jesus in Leonardo's Last Supper)! Jesus never advocated marriage. He was adamant about divorce and adultery because of the law. For good reason, he did not want any of his followers involved with 'The Law.' But he never counseled any young man - or woman - to "go back to your village, get married and have children for 'The Kingdom of Heaven,' or 'Jehovah,' or 'Me.' If he claimed to have God-Given-Authority and Powers, why didn't he ever use them to join his followers, men and women, in Holy Matrimony within the movement he was supposedly building?
He never made claims of magical powers; those were added through the centuries as they tried to make heterosexual sense of his homosexual philosophy of life, not religion.
The "Magical Powers" myth probably stem from his use of LSD, aka "Shewbread" in his initiation rites, sermons-on-the-mount, etc. Those loaves of bread passed out to the crowd on the hill contained ergot of rye. LSD has "healing powers." Jesus probably gave Shewbread to people suffering with something he knew it would cure. (See "Shewbread" in GOSPEL on www.dirkvanden.net ). That was surely what he told his disciples to put into the rain barrels at the wedding in Canaan - Mild Windowpane or Yellow Sunshine!
Near the end of the story, with Peter insisting that Jesus is the Messiah, and Jesus arguing "Wait and see," Jesus gives Peter a curse, not a blessing, when he gives him "His Church." He knew it wouldn't work the way Peter wanted it to - as the final-chapter of Judaism. Peter had disagreed and argued with Jesus about their Sodomistic Brotherhood - he preferred the Old Ways - the ways sanctioned by the Priests and Pharisees. Jesus finally says "Get thee behind me, Satan, thou art an offence to me, for thou lovest the things that be of man but not of The Father." The followers of Peter have never been able to make 'Peteranity' work because "The Sacred Heart" of Jesus - his homosexuality - has been cut out. They are worshiping a homosexual philosophy-of-life as a religion based on sin and punishment, not love & forgiveness. It hasn't worked for 2000 years. It never will.
It is very interesting to contemplate the idea that Jesus called Peter "Satan." That would mean that Christianity is the Religion of Satan. That would mean that for almost 2000 years, Christians have been worshiping Jesus in the Church of Satan! Boggles the mind, doesn't it?
But this theory tells you why the Catholic Fathers, et. al., have such a hard time keeping their hands off the altar boys. In their heads, Jesus keeps whispering "Love men," but the Church keeps saying "No! No! It's a Sin." They are conflicted. Dad says "Yes!" Mom says "NO!!" They are acting out a perverted philosophy when they play with little boy's peepees and masturbate. Or tell the little boys it is God's will to stroke or suck them off? Or fuck their little assholes! (No one ever says what the Priests actually do when they "molest" little boys.) The pedophiles in the various denominations have no idea why they do such things, why they have such sinful ideas in their heads, and would have heart-attacks at the notion of "Jesus made me do it." But that is the truth of it.
Malcolm Boyd, a famous Gay author & Episcopal Priest, once remarked that Homosexuals and Priests come out of the same "boy-pool." Two sides of the same coin. They are the heterosexual versions of us. Curiously, as the world turns, they are the perverted ones! We're the ones doing what Jesus told us to do. We're not fighting each other or molesting children, we're making love to each other!
Another reason I think Jesus was "Gay" is because I am. For many years I felt betrayed and deserted by Jesus. I had truly believed that He was my Savior and pledged my young life to Him - and ended up irreversibly homosexual! I didn't know why for years. I didn't really believe I was born Queer. After many years of soul-searching-- & a couple of very exciting, beneficial Acid Trips -- I finally realized that I had followed the Jesus Path out of the Church & into Homosexuality. When that idea finally stopped being blasphemous, it started making sense. Now I know what I am and why. All of the residual guilt is gone! I like myself now! I love myself! I'm a Jesus-Clone!
I believe Jesus was "Gay" not in the current sense of the word, but definitely "Queer." He was 30 - 33 years old and unmarried during his ministry. That alone is remarkable in that Jewish men were expected to be productive daddies at his age. And his radical message had to do with men loving men. "I will make you fishers of men." That was somewhat against community standards in those days.
One night, celebrating Passover, high on Shewbread and drunk on wine, in the Garden of Gethsemane, Jesus and Judas were caught "kissing," arrested, hauled off to jail, judged in a Jewish court, quickly convicted of Sodomy and crucified side by side as Sodomites.
Instead of dealing with the truth, the Apostles, led by Peter, had to tell his followers something, so they concocted the "Betrayal" by Judas, who supposedly said "he is the one I will kiss." Judas couldn't just say to the Roman Soldiers he was expecting, "Oh, good, you're here, he's that one, over there, praying." Because someone might say "Why were they kissing?" "That was the kiss of betrayal." Truly, it ended up being just that, but it wasn't Judas' fault!
Then to account for the coincidental sudden death of Judas, they concocted the story of the repentant betrayer hanging himself from a "Judas Tree!"
And last but not least, to prove he was the long-awaited Messiah, Peter claimed that Jesus arose from the dead, after 3 days - just like it said in all the predictions - then rose up into the sky, alive and well in his physical body, fully dressed in his burial-clothes, of course, waving goodbye, but promising to come back and save the world some other time -- but soon. He said "I come quickly!" That's what they say he said!
Christianity is built on that foundation.
After many years of thinking about it, I have decided that Jesus is alive and well and living in the gray matter of the brains of one time True Believers, like myself. I am convinced that many Gay men and Lesbians are those True Believers. There are many others for many other reasons, but I think we are all here, drinking from the same draught, for a reason that might be very exciting.
Jesus isn't "coming back." The original is dead and gone. But The Kingdom of Heaven is still here, accessible to those who follow The Jesus Path into it. Copies of him are everywhere. It has been this way since his "secret message" was being preached, but those whose heads were the "fertile soil" into which those seeds were tossed, were "hybrids," aka "Eunuchs" ("There are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the Kingdom of Heaven's sake.") and we didn't reproduce ourselves, except, perhaps, spiritually.
Jesus is alive and well inside your head and mine! And he's finally having fun for a change. Can you imagine Jesus having fun? Jesus dancing! Jesus laughing! Jesus loving men! Jesus making love? Jesus ******* ****! (Not "washing feet.") He has finally escaped from The Sin-filled Church, which has kept him captive for 1977 years. But they did teach his "secret message." If I'm right, he's enjoying your life! Right now.
Your Homosexuality is a blessing, not a curse, a gift because you once Believed.
I look on homosexuality as the eventual Salvation of the overpopulated earth. Humanity has become Earth's Cancer: We are the cure. Neutered cancer cells. We are Organic Birth Control. As the world accepts us, it might even seem we are the long awaited Savior of the World. The Gay Messiah.
"We are called Gay not for what we are,
but for what we will be
when we discover what we are."
but for what we will be
when we discover what we are."
"Inside drab and ugly outer shells,
we are creatures of exquisite beauty,
hiding from each other - and ourselves."
we are creatures of exquisite beauty,
hiding from each other - and ourselves."
"I am truly a 'Fisher of men.'
I catch them and eat them and throw them back again!"
from The Gospel According to Gabriel Horny
by Dirk Vanden