Wednesday, April 3, 2013



God? Or Gateway to God?



Religion began when Ogg, the caveman, ate one of those pretty red mushrooms with the white flakes all over it—and saw OOGA—enormous and terrifying!  OOGA said “I am OOGA, Greatest and Most Powerful, and I make things happen.  If you worship me, I will make good things happen.  If you do not worship me I will make bad things happen.”


When he woke up, Ogg was convinced that OOGA had chosen him to enlighten his fellow cavemen, so he proclaimed himself the Supreme Seer of the Tribe, he-who-talked-with-Ooga (who made things happen,) and told his fellow cavemen “Give me food and lodging so that I do not have to work for a living, call me “Super Seer” kiss my ass at every opportunity, and seek my guidance on every little part of your life.  If you do this, Ooga will bless you.  If you do not do this, Ooga will curse you, and every bad thing that happens will be because Ooga hates you.  Anything good that happens means that Ooga forgives you.  Got that? Good.  Bring me a fatted calf, barbecued to perfection, and maybe a few clamshells as an ‘offering’. I’ll put in a good word for you to Ooga, next time we chat.”


Religion of one sort or another has been part of human life since very close to the beginning.  Homo sapiens are born with an instinct to figure things out.  Why does it rain?  Why are there seasons? What are those things in the sky?  Working, fighting, and competing for food, most humans don’t have time to figure it out and will welcome someone who seems to know what he’s talking about.


If you’ve never had a “psychedelic experience” whether through LSD, Mescaline, Peyote, psilocybin, and even those very dangerous “Elf Caps,” Amanita Muscaria, you will never fully comprehend the seeming uber-reality of those experiences.


Other means of psychedelic access are prayer and meditation



I painted this portrait of “Elf,” a Gay Street Artist in San Francisco, 1972.  I had already had 3 psychedelic experiences, although not via the Elf Cap, but LSD and Psilocybin--and Cannabis, lest I forget the flower that “gets you high.” In the picture I took this from, he was reaching into a baggie filled with buds. (I am tempted to believe “The Burning Bush” of Biblical fame was actually marijuana.)

In the Old Days, before “science” started inspecting beliefs and changing them.  We believed that the Sun was a god in a fiery chariot who drove across Heaven every day.  For unknown thousands of years, humans worshiped their own versions of the Sun God, who made things happen the way they did.  The seasons were the work of God.  God meant there to be Winter so we could appreciate Summer, which God made so we could grow our food before Winter came again.  If floods came, or hurricanes, it was God’s will—which meant even more fatted calves for the High Priests.  Famines meant that God was angry with the Tribe and the Priests would see what they could do to calm him down.


High Priests are well named.  In the beginning, they got “high” on one psychedelic plant or another, and truly believed they had seen and talked with God.  There are various other mushrooms with the ability to access God.  Jesus had Shewbread.  Joseph Smith had a Giant Toad and Epilepsy.  St. Paul had Epilepsy. Many Old Testament Prophets had Epilepsy.  Those who didn’t, ate Shewbread for their visions.

Epilepsy causes Grand Mal Seizures, and is well-documented for causing encounters with God or Jesus or one or more Angels.  It has been known for millennia as “The Falling Down Sickness.”  When an epileptic has a seizure, he or she crumbles to the ground and writhes around in apparent agony, but somewhere, in some never-never land no one else can see, the epileptic is walking and talking with God in Paradise.

Giant toads, and surely many other animals, secrete a poison from glands on their backs whenever they are threatened.  Even if it didn’t kill whatever was threatening the toad, it scared the hell out of them.  It sent them to the same place that Epileptic Seizures and LSD and Magic Toadstools, peyote, mescaline, marijuana, and all the rest of those Keys to the Kingdom of Heaven.  Like Jesus said “The Priests and the Pharisees have hidden the keys to the kingdom; they are like dogs sleeping in a manger who neither eat nor allow the cattle to eat.”

Jesus knew what he was talking about because he had discovered “Shewbread.”  “Vision Bread.”  “Legal for the Priests alone.”One little piece of a loaf would get you “into the spirit.”  That’s what he passed out on the Mount before he preached the beatitudes; he got his followers high on LSD; no wonder they thought he was magic; no wonder they thought he glowed.  Acid Trippers report seeing people’s auras.

“Christian ‘Sacrament’ began as Shewbread and wine—for which Mormons have substituted Wonder Bread and bottled water.”  Gabriel Horny

Long before Jesus’ time, there was an Ecclesiastical Law recorded in Leviticus, which forbade harvesting the corners of fields of grain.  It also forbade picking up those heads of grain left in the fields by the harvesters.  Those were gathered by the High Priests “for the benefit of Widows and Orphans.”  That grain was surely rye, and heads of rye, when left in the field until after the first rain of the season, sported a dusting of red powder—considered a blessing from Jehovah.  When those grains were ground into flour and baked into bread, they gave the High Priests visions.  They believed it was Godly bread and the punishment was death for any priest, or baker, to tell the secret of “Shewbread,” “show-bread” or “vision bread.”  Early Judaism was based on LSD!  So was Christianity!

Matthew tells the story of Jesus & the gang, out in the fields gathering the grain that had been left behind by harvesters.  I don’t think they were eating them, right there; that was an interpretation added later by a scribe who didn’t understand Shewbread.  Eating it raw like that could easily kill them with what later became known as “St. John’s fire.”  They were gathering the grain to make bread for Passover Supper.  That was what was in the bread he passed out to his disciples on what became the Last Supper.

When the High Priests came flapping out to the fields to scold Jesus for breaking the Sabbath, Jesus responded: “Have you not read about King David, when he was hungry, and those with him were hungry, and they did go into the Temple and eat the Shewbread which was legal for the priests alone.  Therefore I say that Sabbath was made for man, not man for Sabbath, therefore the Son of Man is Master of the Sabbath.”  It didn’t make sense until I understood what that episode was all about.  The priests were pissed because Jesus was gathering their source of inspiration!  He knew their Holy little secret.  That very well might have played a part in the Jewish decision to let the Romans crucify him.  Jesus and the apostles were stoned on LSD, and drunk on wine, and were all up in the garden of Gethsemane, “in the spirit,” when the Romans showed up and caught Jesus and Judas “kissing.”  The rest is history—or sort of.  It is quite likely that Mary Magdalene was also high on Shewbread as she waited for his resurrection on the third day.  She saw what she wanted to see, and Christendom is based on that “vision.”

Joseph Smith saw what he wanted to see when he had his visions—caused either by Epilepsy or Giant Toads or both.  His father’s descriptions of Joseph’s visions perfectly describe epileptic seizures.  But Joseph’s memoirs or biographers also deliberately mentioned the “Giant Toad” which knocked him down three times before he could recover the Golden Plates that comprised the Book of Mormon.  My best guess is that he let his followers fondle his Giant Toad before he put on the Urim and Thumman and translated the BM.  Smith was bright, a good writer, with a fantastic imagination.  He truly believed that he was doing God’s will by making up the B of M, basing it on a book called The Hebrews. 

It is also quite possible that Joseph Smith was a closeted homosexual.  Polygamy might have been his defense against being Queer.

If my theory is true, that loving Jesus makes you queer, and my experience has assurred me that it is, then it is reasonable to assume that Joseph, whose search for the Real Jesus was the cause for his rejecting all other religions and establishing his own, with the teachings of Jesus as the core of his embroidered Gospel. Joe made Jesus more accessible by encouraging Mormons to read their Bibles.  Most religions forbade their followers to read the Bible, but to rely on the interpretation of their Pastors or Preachers.  Joe encouraged people to read for themselves. But that had a totally unexpected result. Joe had already programmed himself as a Jesus-clone & that makes it likely that Joe, born today, woud be Gay.  But in his day, sodomites were as illegal and abominable as they had been for thousands of years, so he probably fought it—like I did, getting married twice to try to prove I wasn’t an abomination.  In the process I made two women very unhappy and angry with me.  And it didn’t “help” me at all.

The mistake Joseph made was the same one as the original Christian Fathers.  To insist that Jesus is Christ, they had to tack Judaism onto Christianity; they had to include the Old Testament to explain who Christ was, or was supposed to be.  “Jesus tried to take away ‘sin’; Peter & Paul put it back again.” GH

My theory is that “The Gospel of Jesus,” recorded and explained and expanded by thousands of “Editors” throughout history, nonetheless causes homosexuality. If you Really really believe in Jesus, then you really, really want to love other men and the only way you can do that is to stop being religious.  Which are the chief homophobic religions?  Christianity, Judaism & Islam.  Christians and Jews and Muslims all condemn it—while their priests and prophets all practice it in sinful secret. We claim we could not help ourselves, loving other men, and it is true.  This is why priests can’t keep their hands off altar boys.

Here’s the scary part:  Joseph’s new religion worked.  It produced us.  Religion is like bullshit, by itself nothing happens, but sprinkle it with seeds of truth, and flowers start to grow!  Mormonism is the bullshit I grew out of.  Catholics, Baptists, Adventists, all have their own fertilizer, and the seeds are those Jesus scattered 2000 years ago.  He said to Peter “On this rock I will build my Church, and the Gates of Hell shall not prevail against it.”  And sure enough, here we are, twenty centuries later, still arguing about the true meanings of the sayings of Jesus.


When Jesus first appeared in Palestine, he didn’t bring with him a scribe to write down what he said.  Most Jews were illiterate in those days; only the Priests knew how to read and write.  It may have started during his 3 year ‘ministry,’ someone may have said “Let me write this down, this is good stuff.”  I doubt it, but it could have happened.  Years after Jesus died, “teaching scrolls” were created for all of the Apostles and Disciples who were spreading “The Gospel of Jesus” – not necessarily “Jesus Christ.” 

These “teaching scrolls” were the predecessor of “talking points,” now projected on teleprompters. 

One such teaching scroll was found in the caves of Nag near the Dead Sea, and when translated became “The Gospel According to Thomas.”  It caught my attention in 1970 when a sign in a Gay Bookstore window called it “THE GAY GOSPEL!” 

Reading that teaching scroll changed my life.  It allowed me to understand many of the questions that were unanswered by traditional Christianity.

It begins by saying “Whoever discovers the true meaning of these words will not taste death.”  Wow! It goes on to say “Whoever seeks should not cease seeking until he finds; when he finds he will be troubled; when he is troubled he will marvel, and then he will reign over The All.”  And it ends with an admonition to Peter that women are just as good as men if they follow him.  “I will take her and guide her so that her spirit becomes male, like you males, and I tell you: Every female who makes herself male shall enter The Kingdom of Heaven.”  How much does that sound like Lesbians?

Many of the verses in between clarify those we’ve been confused by in the Christian Bible.  Jesus was advocating a way of life, not a religion promising life-after-death.  Thomas quotes him as saying “If your leaders tell you that Heaven is above the clouds, then the birds have beat you to it; if they say it is in the Sea, then the fish have beat you there.  But I tell you, The Kingdom of Heaven is inside you and outside you, and is spread across the land but men do not see it. What you are waiting for has already happened, but you know it not.”  Jesus certainly wasn’t promoting Judaism when he said of circumcision, when asked if it was “beneficial.” “If it were a good thing, then the father would beget them circumcised in the mother.”  He also said “You have heard it said ‘an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth’ but I tell you love each other and forgive each other and turn the other cheek and go the extra mile, but don’t  judge or you’ll be judged.”  That was Anti-Judaism, folks!

But when Peter and Mary announced that Jesus had risen from the dead after the promised 3 days, and had then gone up into Heaven, it was assumed to he had validated all those Jewish laws and customs and prophesies, and instead tacked the Old Testament onto The New Testament, invalidating both!eHHh h


Monday, January 9, 2012



Packing to move, I found some old material on the beginning of the AIDS HOLOCAUST.

Sometime after Herb died in 1987, I found & kept a letter to the editor of the New York Native, a Gay newspaper.  I wrote to the editor responding to that letter & they published it:


Has Henry J. Yeager found the “smoking gun”?  In his letter to Jerry Isler of the Greater New York Blood Program (Carbon copies, Native 151) Yeager asks “Or was [AIDS],  as many of us think, deliberately introduced into the homosexual community in 1979 right there at the New York Blood Center, when you put out a call for gays to give blood samples under the pretext of developing a hepatitis vaccine?”

Almost everyone we know who has AIDS or ARC also took part in that Hepatitis Vaccine-development program – in San Francisco!

Is it possible to make a survey of your readers to determine how many others possibly contracted their life-threatening illness in one of those hepatitis vaccine programs.  Also, how many, like each of the PWAS we know had their blood samples frozen without their knowledge or permission.  How many cities took part in those tests?

Dirk Vanden,  Carmichael CA

In an undated article in the Philadelphia Gay News:

AIDS Called Plot to Eliminate Homosexuals

Dick Gregory, speaking at Swarthmore College, suggested that AIDS is a government plot to eliminate homosexuals.  He then urged gays to stay in the closet for their own safety.

Gregory says he learned that the AIDS virus actually was developed by government researches testing monkeys at UC DAVIS six years ago.  He stated that if the disease “had anything to do with gay sex, there’d be a thousand cases in Rome by now.”

Remember Obama’s original pastor, the one he dumped for his controversial belief that AIDS was the Government’s method of Ethnic Cleansing, targeting Blacks. I’m willing to bet he is right.

JUST WHAT WAS HE SMOKING?  By Gene Weingarten, Washington Post 3/21/02

Regarding the Nixon Tapes: 

“On a lengthy monologue on May 13, 1971, Nixon makes clear that he does not like gay people.  Northern California has gotten so ‘faggy,’ he says, ‘I won’t shake hands with anybody from San Francisco.’”

“…the point that I make is that, goddamn it, I do not think that you can glorify on public television homosexuality.  You don’t glorify it, John, any more than you glorify, uh, whores.”

“I don’t want to see this country to go that way.  You know what happened to the Greeks.  Homosexuality destroyed them.  Sure, Aristotle was a homo, we all know that, so was Socrates.”

“Do you know what happened to the Romans?  The last six Roman emperors were fags. . .  .You know what happened to the popes?  It’s all right that popes were laying the nuns.”

“That’s been going on for years, centuries, but when the popes, when the Catholic Church went to hell in, I don’t know, three or four centuries ago, it was homosexual…. Now, that’s what happened to Britain, it happened earlier to France.  And let’s look at the strong societies.  The Russians.  Goddamn it, they root them out, they don’t let ‘em hang around at all.  You know what I mean?  I don’t know what they do with them.”

“Dope ?  Do you think the Russians allow dope?  Hell no.  Not if they can catch it, they send them up.  You see, homosexuality, dope, uh, immorality in general: These are the enemies of strong societies.  That’s why the Communists and the left-wingers are pushing it.  They’re trying to destroy us.”

This was the official atmosphere surrounding President Nixon in May, 1971.  The official and unofficial policies in DC & across the country were anti-fags & anti-drugs.  Nixon wasn’t just ranting politically-correct diatribes, he meant it.  He believed what he was saying & so did everyone who loved Dick Nixon, who was going to guide America to its proper heritage, without Jews and Fags and Drugs, & I’m sure Niggers weren’t left out of the shit-list.

Richard Milhous Nixon (January 9, 1913 – April 22, 1994) was the 37th President of the United States, serving from 1969 to 1974. The only president to resign in disgrace.

Meanwhile, back in Reality, Gays were starting to gain public visibility, refuting all the ancient religious stereotypes, which was getting the Religious Right & its leader, Richard M. Nixon, very upset. Imagine a religious tizzy! Homosexuals were being legalized during his watch.  Someone had to do something!

Here is a timeline of the Gay Rights movement, starting with decriminalization


Illinois becomes the first state in the U.S. to decriminalize homosexual acts between consenting adults in private.


The Stonewall riots transform the gay rights movement from one limited to a small number of activists into a widespread protest for equal rights and acceptance. Patrons of a gay bar in New York's Greenwich Village, the Stonewall Inn, fight back during a police raid on June 27, sparking three days of riots.

1970  Dirk Vanden publishes ALL OR NOTHING (republished 40 years later as ALL THE WAY.

1972  Dirk Vanden publishes ALL IS WELL, republished as part 3 of a Trilogy, ALL TOGETHER.  His books are reviewed as the world’s first honest portrayals of homosexuals, crazy and sex-hungry as we are—but loveable—in the end.  lol   They’ve left me out of their history books,  but I’ve been there, lurking in the shadows, ready to Come Out and call for an accounting….

            In 1972 Herb & I had been living as an acknowledged Gay Couple in San Francisco, on Buena Vista Terrace, overlooking The Haight; we’d been together 4 years.  He was Advertising Manager for Fireman’s Fund/American Insurance Companies.  I painted several of their yearly report covers.  I also did a lot of Gay advertising art.  FF/A knew about me; I .  Herb’s helper was a Lesbian named Paula, who mysteriously called herself Ralf, who was long-time partnered with Debbie, and the company hadn’t fired anybody.


The American Psychiatric Association removes homosexuality from its official list of mental disorders.

Harvey Milk runs for city supervisor in San Francisco. He runs on a socially liberal platform and opposes government involvement in personal sexual matters. Milk comes in 10th out of 32 candidates, earning 16,900 votes, winning the Castro District and other liberal neighborhoods. He receives a lot of media attention for his passionate speeches, brave political stance, and media skills.


San Francisco Mayor George Moscone appoints Harvey Milk to the Board of Permit Appeals, making Milk the first openly gay city commissioner in the United States. Milk decides to run for the California State Assembly and Moscone is forced to fire him from the Board of Permit Appeals after just five weeks. Milk loses the State Assembly race by fewer than 4,000 votes. Believing the Alice B. Toklas LGBT Democratic Club will never support him politically, Milk co-founds the San Francisco Gay Democratic Club after his election loss.


Activists in Miami, Florida pass a civil rights ordinance making sexual orientation discrimination illegal in Dade County. Save Our Children, a campaign by a Christian fundamentalist group and headed by singer Anita Bryant, is launched in response to the ordinance. In the largest special election of any in Dade County history, 70% vote to overturn the ordinance. It is a crushing defeat for gay activists.


On January 8, Harvey Milk makes national news when he is sworn in as a member of the San Francisco Board of Supervisors. Running against 16 other candidates, he wins the election by 30 percent. Milk begins his term by sponsoring a civil rights bill that outlaws sexual orientation discrimination. Only one supervisor votes against it and Mayor Moscone signs it into law.

John Briggs drops out of the California governor's race, but receives support for Proposition 6, also known as the Briggs Initiative, a proposal to fire any teacher or school employee who publicly supports gay rights. Harvey Milk campaigns against the bill and attends every event hosted by Briggs. In the summer, attendance greatly increases at Gay Pride marches in San Francisco and Los Angeles, partly in response to Briggs. President Jimmy Carter, former Governor Ronald Reagan, and Governor Jerry Brown speak out against the proposition. On November 7, voters reject the proposition by more than a million votes.

On November 27, 1978,  Harvey Milk and Mayor George Moscone are assassinated by Dan White, another San Francisco city supervisor, who had recently resigned and wanted his job back, but was being passed over because he wasn't the best fit for the liberal leaning Board of Supervisors and the ethnic diversity in White's district. San Francisco pays tribute to Harvey Milk by naming several locations after him, included Harvey Milk Plaza at the intersection of Market and Castro streets. The San Francisco Gay Democratic Club changes its name to the Harvey Milk Memorial Gay Democratic Club.


Wisconsin becomes the first state to outlaw discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation.


2012   Gay Marriage and Religion, front and center, on TV everywhere, are headed for an explosive collision on Election Day, 2012….  Oops!

Golly gee! (Cue spooky music: The opening for Richard Strauss’ Also Sprach Zarathustra which opened the movie 2001, remember?) 11/7/2012 is just a month away from “DOOMSDAY” 12/21/2012, when The World (or “civilizaton as we know it”, according to translation differences) will end – according to the Mayans who are no longer around to appreciate their prediction.

Or Maybe….  Maybe that’s when the long-postponed AGE OF AQUARIUS  is born. It has been a long gestation – but it’s a “spiritual gestation,” not a human one, so it takes 40 years +/-.  It was conceived during the world’s first Love-In, The Summer of Love, 1968.  They missed The Gay Year by a year, which was a Love-In of our own.  The Gays and the Hippies were in sync, just a year apart in our rebellion against the Status Quo.

Richard Nixon was President from 1969 to 1974, during many Gay Rights advances. That must have bothered the hell out of him.  Fags advance on his watch!  As far as Nixon & his supporters were concerned, he was standing in line next to Jesus whose throne was next to God’s, and it was Those Fags (and Kikes and Niggers) causing all the trouble.  Not one of them doubted that God hated us.  They would all gladly stone us today, like God says to in The Bible, but some goddamned doogooder passed a law making killing Queers illegal (as Nixon would have put it.)

The first Holocaust was Hitler trying to rid the world of Jews and Homos. Think of Auschwitz; slow fade to AIDS wards in hospitals.   Do we detect a theme?  (Background music: The Mormon Tabernacle Choir singing “Onward Christian Soldiers, marching as to war…with the cross of Jesus, going on before… etc.”  You know it by-heart; it’s recorded in your head.  Now that I’ve reminded you of it, it will play endlessly until you figure out a way to make it stop.  Let it play in the background for this scene in my imaginary movie:

But first, over opening credits, Imagine Jesus, in immaculate white drag, long hair flowing in the wind, walking on air, slightly higher than everyone following him, his arms held high, one hand clenched in a fist of victory, the other one holding a large cross with himself dying on it – slow enlargement of the Holy Cross and we see it has sharp points and barbs like fish-hooks at every end.  It finally blocks out the sun.  Cut to a cross on a wall, with Jesus suffering excruciating agony, dying.  (Have you noticed? He never dies!  He’s always dying!  Except for Easter, of course.  That’s the day he gets resurrected.  But the next day he goes back to dying for another year.)

Pull back to show Olivia South.  (First cousin to Oliver North, in case you didn’t “get it.”) She looks a like Michele Bachman crossed with Sarah Palin. Documents on the walls indicate that she is a fairly important person in the United States Health Department. Olivia South, MD, it says so on her desk plaque & a little silver loving-cup trophy, & her book on Infectious Diseases sits perfectly placed beside it.  A desk-calendar shows January 1969.  An open file on her desk indicates that Dr. South is part of a research team, looking for a cure for Hepatitis B.  She is typing something on an old-fashioned typewriter.  It reads “Dear John, I miss you.  Hurry home from wherever you are.”

Fade to Mel Gibson, as Johnathan Braveheart Goodman, reading her letter. It is revealed that John is working in a secret government laboratory studying Germ Warfare. It is made clear in dialogue that “No one is intending to use these weapons against an enemy, God forbid!  We are studying them to find defenses and cures when somebody else, like Russia, or Korea, or China, or India, whoever…. When the bad guys try to kill us – as they will; it says so in the Bible somewhere - we’ll be prepared.  They’re weapons of self-defense.”

Olivia is a lifelong member of a popular Evangelical Christian denomination – take your pick – Nixon was a Quaker – and goes to church every Sunday, and prays that God will get rid of Saint Dick’s worst enemies: Sodomites and those Sons of Cain.  And Jews while you’re at it.

Then one day, God answers Olivia, saying: “Thou knowest whom I hateth most.  What wouldest happen if they all gotteth sick and dieth?  Canst Thou thinketh a way to maketh this happen?  It will addeth to the stars in thy crown. They might even maketh you a Saint after you dieth and cometh to live with me in Heaven.  ‘Saint Olivia,’ how doeth that sound? Just ask. Amen.” 

When she woke up in the hospital, they told Olivia she’d had an Epileptic Fit, but she’d be fine.  They had all prayed for her.  Their prayers had saved her life; God wanted her live and to do what He had told her to do during her grand-mal seizure.  Save the world for Jesus.

Then John comes home.  In slow motion, they take off their clothing as they run toward each other, finally colliding in mid air not quite naked, clawing at each other and grabbing each other’s genitals, and falling on the bed… As they are fucking (with their clothes on, under the sheets) John & Olivia, in a mutual Heavenly revelation, realize that they have been chosen by God to Save the World for Jesus. Together they can make it happen.  Making History Happen!

Together they come up with a plan which they secretly call “Homocaust/Fag Armageddon” but when she presents it at a staff meeting as a possible project, Olivia calls it “Hope for Homos,” an idea for a potential project, with a fairly detailed plan on how they could do it.  One of their recent studies had been of Gay men with various sexually-transmitted diseases and since sexual transmissions was one of Hepatitis B’s routes of infection, it made sense to see if there was any connection with homosexual STDs that would cause, or cure, HB. It sounded like an excellent thing to do and got funded fairly quickly.

Hepatitis B is an infectious inflammatory illness of the liver caused by hepatitis B virus (HBV) affecting hominoidea, including humans. Originally known as "serum hepatitis",[1] the disease has caused epidemics in parts of Asia and Africa, and it is endemic in China.[2] More than 2 billion people have been infected,[3] and this includes 350 million chronic carriers.[4] The virus is transmitted by exposure to infectious blood or body fluids such as semen and vaginal fluids, while viral DNA has been detected in the saliva, tears, and urine of chronic carriers. Perinatal infection is a major route of infection in endemic (mainly developing) countries.[5] Other risk factors for developing HBV infection include working in a health care setting, transfusions, and dialysis, acupuncture, tattooing, extended overseas travel and residence in an institution.[3] [6][7] However, Hepatitis B viruses cannot be spread by holding hands, sharing eating utensils or drinking glasses, kissing, hugging, coughing, sneezing, or breastfeeding.[8][9]

The acute illness causes liver inflammation, vomiting, jaundice, and (rarely) death. Chronic hepatitis B may eventually cause cirrhosis and liver cancer—a disease with poor response to all but a few current therapies.[10] The infection is preventable by vaccination.[11]

Hepatitis B virus is an hepadnavirushepa from hepatotrophic and dna because it is a DNA virus[12]—and it has a circular genome composed of partially double-stranded DNA. The viruses replicate through an RNA intermediate form by reverse transcription, and in this respect they are similar to retroviruses.[13] Although replication takes place in the liver, the virus spreads to the blood where virus-specific proteins and their corresponding antibodies are found in infected people. Blood tests for these proteins and antibodies are used to diagnose the infection.[14]

In the movie, Olivia is appointed to head the Help for Homos committee and to oversee the operation.  They decide to access clinics in the cities with large homosexual populations, wherever there are clusters of Sinners with STDs, and to have a nationally-publicized campaign called “Help Find a Cure for Hepatitis-B.”  Ads are placed in major Gay newspapers, and, in San Francisco, at least, posters were tacked to telephone poles and pasted in windows all over town.  “Help Find The Cure for Hepatitis B. Give Blood! If you have ever had the following illnesses, syphilis, gonorrhea, etc., and were cured, we need your blood to see what cured you. (+/-)

Olivia personally oversees ordering of the necessary supplies.  It is cheaper to buy all of the medical supplies from one supplier.  Enough hypodermic needles to supply clinics in NYC, Chicago, Los Angeles & San Francisco, etc., were ordered and arrive enmasse, ready for distribution.

Imagine the scene in the movie: John and Olivia, played by Mel Gibson and Michelle Bachman, both in white lab-coats, in a dark room in some secret laboratory, somewhere, working all night, dragging themselves through the days, calling in sick, working, working, with a picture of dying Jesus on his cross, spotlit on the otherwise dark wall, watching them get ready to save the world for him. Can they do it before he dies?  Night after night they toil, unwrapping sterile plastic packs and placing the needles in a contraption that looks like a microwave oven.  When the oven is full, they put on gas masks and gloves and push a button.  There is a whishing sound from the contraption, and a red light starts blinking as a mist fills the microwave window, then quickly fades away. (It’s a low-budget movie; a microwave oven was all we had but you get the idea.)

In surgical garb they carefully repackage each single needle, put them back in their original cartons, and send them to the proper department for sorting and counting and shipping.  Nobody notices any lapse of time. “Procedural delays.” Finally, the last needle is cooked in the microwave, shipped off to unsuspecting accomplices – and  Jack and Olivia get married in Las Vegas and live happily ever after in Hawaii.

Last shot of the movie shows John and Olivia, old and wrinkled but still tan and healthy, on a terrace overlooking the ocean, on their plantation on an uncharted island. On one wall is a framed letter of Thanks from Richard Milhaus Nixon. They are reading the scrolling headlines on an old black & white television, showing talking heads reading those headlines: AIDS DECIMATES THE MUCH-HATED HOMOSEXUAL POPULATION. GOOD RIDDANCE TO BAD RUBBISH. GOD BLESS THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA AND RICHARD NIXON FOREVER AND EVER AMEN.  Behind the tv set, the sun is going down and the sunset is spectacular, mirrored in the ocean, from brilliant gold to red to purple to violet to mauve to gray and blackout as the credits roll: THE END –OF GOD’S ENEMIES!  THE BEGINNING OF PARADSE – as predicted by St. John in The Bible as ARMAGEDDEN. 

Suddenly a loud “scritch” ends the sound-track and a huge “CANCELLED appears stamped acriss the screen.  It slowly fades.



The Homocaust missed people like me – and we will not shut up until we see the whole thing exposed and the guilty made to account for it.

And, curiously enough, homosexuals now make up an even larger percentage of society than they did before Homocaust.  None of them came out as the results of being seduced by dead men. Go figure.

This last is from my “fictional autobiography,” ALL OF ME (CAN YOU TAKE ALL OF ME?) Rosedog until 12/31/2010, now on KINDLE only.  The fictional me, “Rick”, is telling Dave, a Gay Reporter doing a story for The Sacramento Gayzette, about his lover “Ace”, aka Asa Hartz, the stand-in for my lover of 18 years, Herb Finger:

“For three years, back in the late seventies, Ace was 'Sacramento's Celebrity Chef!'  He called himself  'head-cook,' at a place called Bon Apetit – which he renamed 'Good Eats'  in old-town Folsom.  The little, intimate restaurant was owned by a very rich, good-Republican developer, who loved Ace's cooking, even though Ace was a flaming-liberal-Democrat!  We catered a fundraiser for Ronald Regan there that raised, I don’t remember how many million.  Ace despised ‘Ronnie Baby,’ called him ‘the great enunciator’ – but he got a thousand dollar tip for that little buffet.  He also got an autographed picture from Ronnie-Baby, thanking him for helping raise all that money for Republicans.  Ace named it ‘Bitter Irony,’ and framed and hung it in the bathroom, above the toilet.  I still have it, somewhere.

Celebrity Chef was on Chanel 13 in the noon news, a little five-minute cooking segment, featuring gourmet stuff you could do in your microwave.  Microwaves were just getting popular, but nobody knew how to really cook in them.  He showed how to cook fairly complicated ‘gourmet’ stuff in that little black box on your kitchen counter.  You could send in a stamped-self-addressed envelope for a copy of the recipe.  Women would stop him in supermarkets to tell him they had sent for his microwave version of Boeuf l’Orange, or whatever, and how much they loved it.  They adored him!  And he loved it!  At least, there’s that.  He really enjoyed it.  While it lasted.

“His new Organic Restaurant was going to be called ACE’S.  With the four playing cards as his logo – we’d already designed it.  He had a spot picked out and was talking to the developer – same guy who owned Good Eats – when he started having night-sweats, and  then little purple splotches that turned out to be Kaposi Sarcoma, ‘K-S,’ ‘Gay Cancer.’  From there it was downhill for three years.  He couldn’t have anything to do with cooking.  Word quickly got out and spread in the culinary community that Celebrity Chef Asa Hartz had AIDS.  Everybody who had adored him suddenly shunned him.  That hurt him so much, he went inside himself and never came back out.  Not even for me.  He literally shrank out of existence.  I watched him go away for three years.

“When he died, it made the national evening news, even in Florida, where his mother and two aunts were having supper, watching Walter Cronkite.   Suddenly, there was a picture of Asa Emanuel Hartzman, with his little rainbow-beanie that he wore instead of a chef’s hat, dead of AIDS in Sacramento.  His sister had told Mama that he had leukemia.  But no one had told her yet that he’d died.  Somehow the story made the national news before anyone told her.  Poor Bessie!  There she was, with her two Jewish sisters, all widows in a retirement community Ace called Little Israel – in Florida – and there was her only son, on national television, ‘Sacramento’s Celebrity Chef, Asa Hartz, dead of AIDS at age 39.’  She almost had a heart attack.  Fairly shortly after that, she developed dementia.”

"I’m so sorry,” David said sincerely.  “I remember him now.  I think I saw some of those shows.  On the noon news.  Or Mom watched them....  I’ll bet she even sent for some of his recipes.  Did he ever take part in those Hepatitis B experiments, back in the late seventies?”

“How did you know that?”

“Because I just wrote an article for The Gayzette called ‘AIDS, The Man-Made-Doomsday Vaccine.’  Homocaust’ isn’t a big, scary secret any more, although they’ll never admit it, I’m sure. There are dozens of sites about it, online.  Books about it, like ‘The Doctors of Death,’ and ‘Queer Blood.’  Forget Green Monkeys.  The HIV-AIDS epidemic was started in this country as a top-secret germ-warfare experiment, way back in the late sixties – and has been continued, as far as we know, with the secret or tacit approval and/or blessing, of every President since.  Maybe not all of them knew what was going on – but nobody stopped it. It was for ‘national defense.’  An injectable virus which destroys the immune system, was secretly but knowingly applied to those groups that certain Evangelical members of our government decided were undesirable: Queers and Niggers.  We were polluting their perfect society.  We were the reason it wasn’t working right.  At first it was spread by tainted needles in Hepatitis-clinics in every major city in the country – and then by sex by the recipients.  The perfect Secret Ethnic-Cleansing Weapon.  They thought! Because Queers and Niggers fuck a lot, right? And only each other, right?  Much better than Concentration Camps and Gas Chambers! Blame it on Africans, no one will every be able to disprove it. They even had a national ad-campaign, asking Gay men to volunteer to help find a cure for Hepatitis.  An honorable cause – if you believed it.” 

“We believed it!” I said.  “We saw those ads in all the Gay newspapers and magazines!  There were flyers posted all over San Francisco.  I can remember seeing them tacked to telephone poles and in store windows along Market and Castro.  Ace volunteered.  He thought he was doing a good thing.  So did all of our friends – all but me.  I didn’t.  I hate needles!”

“That phobia probably saved your life.  I firmly believe that Asa Hartz and all the rest are the victims of our own government’s attempt at ethnic-cleansing.  Now AIDS has spread into the general human population, not just the faggots and coons, but now white teenagers who fuck anything that moves!  Big mistake!  Huge mistake!”

We were both silent, considering the implications of his hypothesis.  They were too horrifying to think about.

Please buy and read Dr. Alan Cantwell Jr’s books AIDS: THE MYSTERY & THE SOLUTION; AIDS & THE DOCTORS OF DEATH; and QUEER BLOOD.  Aries Rising Press, available on

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Thursday, November 18, 2010



Jesus died;
Peter Lied.
Christianity is built on that foundation.
* * *
Christianity is the result of Peter's attempt
to deal with a dead Messiah.
* * *
Jesus tried to take away sin;
Peter & Paul put it back again!
* * *
A mystery should be solved,
not worshiped.
* * *
A mystery per se is mysterious & frightening,
and usually doesn't make sense until it is over.
* * *
The end of a Mystery is always a surprise —
or should be!
* * *
Every time I solve one of
"Life's Little Mysteries,"
I find I have put together
Only a small piece
Of a much larger puzzle.
* * *
All of our Sacred Cows
Are Pure Bull!
* * *
"Faith Healing" depends upon the faith of the healee,
not the healer.
Thus may charlatans make miracles!
* * *
We all have miracle-power,
but no one has taught us
nor allowed us to learn
how to use it.
* * *
Think of the New Testament as a computer program:
* * *
If you know you are going to feel guilty about doing something,
don't do it!
If you do it, you will surely punish yourself!
* * *
If you "Sin," & "God" doesn't punish you,
that opens several frightening questions:
Is there really a God?
Is what you did truly sinful?
And if not, why not,
and if it isn't, what is it?
Is your religion mistaken about God & Sin?
Much easier just to punish yourself!
(& blame it on God!)
* * *
Prayer is basically Self-Talk.
Which is the same as Self-Programming.
Which is how prayer works:
You reward or punish yourself
Depending on how angry or pleased you are
with yourself.
* * *
If prayer is self-talk,
guess who God is!
* * *
One day I found G O D
in my alphabet soup!
* * *
We are our own accusers,
our own judges, juries & jailers,
but we can pardon ourselves,
and become our own rewards!
* * *
Most of humanity is marching resolutely
into the future — facing backward!
With their fingers stuck in their ears!
* * *
Our religions are keeping us anchored in the past.
* * *
The major cause of much, if not all the violence,
gangs, drug use, murders, suicides, etc.,
the literal, veritable falling-apart of society,
is disenchantment:
Disappointment, frustration, hopelessness & rage over unkept promises:
The Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny, Santa Claus,
Virgin Mary & Little Baby Jesus Christ,
Prince Charming, Bambi & Peter Pan,
God, Jehovah, Allah, Zeus, Thor, Lucifer,
Justice, Equality, True Love, Happily-Ever-After...
& all the other myths & fables.
Lies, all lies! Prayers unanswered.
Wishes unfulfilled.
* * *
How can you ever trust again
a person, family or society
which has so consistently lied to you?
* * *
If they have lied about God & Jesus,
how can you possibly believe
anything else they've said,
or ever will say?
* * *
is the Curse of our times.
Anyone who believes in it
is doomed to unhappiness.
* * *
Turning the other cheek
usually means getting slapped twice.
* * *
Christian "Sacrament"
is symbolic cannibalism
for Christ's sake!
* * *
We are judging & condemning ourselves
according to a book of myths & fables,
which lives within the very fabric of our lives.
Virtually every aspect of our society
is based in some way or other upon "The Holy Bible!"
We must stop judging & punishing ourselves
as "failed Divine Creations"
i.e. "Sinners,"
and see ourselves instead
as the End Result of a long, understandable, natural process!
Then we will finally realize that we have become
The best that ever has been!
And that's much more impressive than a "Divine miracle!"
* * *
They try to force me
to be less than I am
because they cannot,
or will not,
be more than they are.
* * *
Mormonism = compulsory mediocrity.
* * *
Mormonism (etc.) works for Mormons (
If you can swallow that bullshit,
it seems to be very satisfying.
* * *
Most people absolutely refuse
to jeopardize their beliefs
by thinking about them.
* * *
During Sunday School, Mass,
or whatever your worship ritual is called,
you "get high" on the words, the images, the singing, & the music!
The colored lights & candles & incense & harmonious singing
causes your body to create "Endorphins"
which stimulate your body & brain, making you feel good,
safe & secure, loved, & immortal!
A group, feeling good, magnifies the sensations. ("Synergy")
You go back week after week to get high again on Jesus!
And you cannot understand,
however hard you try,
how any idiot could possibly get hooked on drugs!
* * *
Billions of people are hooked on Jesus!
* * *
It doesn't make a bit of difference what the loved object is —
a man or woman, dog or cat,
absent saint or incorporeal savior —
Loving makes you feel good,
no matter who or what you love!
* * *

Whatever the road,
whoever the teacher,
the lesson of life is Love.
* * *
It finally comes down to this:
Love is the only thing
that makes life worthwhile.
* * *
Love comes in all flavors.
* * *
Love has no limits!
It can include everything!
* * *
The only way we can save the world is with Love!
Nothing else can stop us from destroying ourselves.
* * *
What you read in The Bible
are the "official' CYA' spins"
for what actually happened.
* * *
Religion is a power trip.
* * *
Religions, Laws,
Astrology, Medical Science, Psychology,
Voodoo, Shamanism, Witchcraft, etc.,
all have been attempts to deal with the human condition.
None are all true; none are all false.
All contain errors, but all contain truths —
scattered throughout like pearls in a pigpen
after a feast of oysters!
* * *
Religion is a necessary evil.
What else would control
All the crazy people
in the world?
* * *
When you closely examine a religion,
you will find a machine
churning out babies for The Church.
* * *
A closed mind is most often clenched around a religion.
* * *
"Christ-ness" is a state of mind.
* * *
"Heaven" is a state of mind.
* * *
Christians are hung-up on crosses
* * *
Crosses are the symbols of death
not life!
* * *
By contemplating only the imperfections,
we miss the miracles.
* * *
The very ideas of "Heaven," "Hell," "Afterlife,"
& "Final Judgment"
invite murder.
* * *
What most people call "Love" is an illusion,
often a delusion,
an expectation,
triggered by some aspect of sex —
the act itself, or the thought of it.
Nature has made it very difficult to not reproduce.
When people meet & feel an instinctive impulse to procreate,
"Endorphins" are produced,
and key the brain & body into feeling good.
It is this "good-feeling"
which is popularly known as "Falling In Love."
It is much like the LSD or psychedelic experience:
For a relatively brief period of time, while "high," or "in love,"
one feels dynamic! Healthy! Immortal!
When that good-feeling goes away,
we try to repeat whatever action
caused the feeling in the first place:
sex, drugs, religion....
Religions are designed specifically
to produce that good-feeling,
which is what people refer to when they speak of "Religious Ecstasy"
or "The Presence of God."
It is also the basis for "miracle power."
* * *
Most of my life, I've been mad at myself!
I'm not condemning myself any more.
It feels really good to forgive yourself!
(Sort of like spiritual masturbation!)
* * *
The truth is the truth!
It does not depend upon time or place,
and it does not "belong" to anyone!
For example: "Religion is the opiate of the masses,"
does not depend on the acceptability of Karl Marx for its truth.
"Treat others as you would have them treat you,"
does not depend on the divinity of the Teacher from Nazareth.
* * *
"Apocalypse" means "Uncovering;"
"Revelation" means "Uncovering."
This is the Age of Uncovering!
Just watch television:
Civilization is being exposed!
* * *
Civilization is being stripped bare.
Not much there.
Lots of people,
very little civilization.
* * *
Our "Civilization" is based upon the greatest lies ever told:
Creation, Gods, Heaven, Hell, Christ, Satan, Virgin Mary, et. al..
These were invented to explain things that seemed unexplainable.
They are comforting,
but they are all myths.
This is the end of civilization as we know it.
It is crumbling & cannot be stopped.
The "New World" must be built upon Truth, or it cannot survive.
* * *
Religion is keeping the "next evolutionary step" from happening.
* * *
Like it or not, humanity has grown out of its "childhood."
We’re "growing up," cosmically speaking,
and we have to get rid of our "childhood" myths & obsessions
and our magical notions of how things work.
* * *
You don’t know you’re asleep
Until you wake up.
* * *
There should be a time when the parents tell the child
"Okay, the whole Santa Claus thing was a shuck, a scam, a lie.
It was a control thing.
It made you behave yourself better than you would have, otherwise.
It wasn’t our idea, but we gladly bought into it,
because, hey, it worked!
As long as you believed it, it worked."
Similarly, there should be a time in a person’s life,
when an older & wiser soul says
"Okay, the whole God thing was a shuck, a scam, a lie.
Much like the Santa Claus thing.
And the Tooth Fairy thing.
And the morality fables.
& The Bible.
It’s a control thing..."
* * *
Good people are good people, with or without "God."
Bad people are bad with or without God.
* * *
Christmas goes on,
even after we discover there’s no Santa Claus!
* * *
Religion is the cause, not the cure.
Religion turns good, decent people
into bigots & hypocrites.
* * *

While searching for myself
I found a multitude.
* * *

Inside drab and ugly outer shells
we are creatures of exquisite beauty
hiding from each other
and ourselves.
* * *
The Gay lament:
"How can I respect anyone
who wants to have anything to do
with someone like me?"
* * *
People who do not love themselves
do not allow themselves to be loved.
* * *
If you don’t believe in yourself
nobody else will either.
* * *
We are all good little boys and girls
pretending to be bad big boys and girls,
acting out roles that have been prescribed for us,
trapped inside our own pretending.
* * *
We are called "gay"
not for what we are
but for what we will be
when we discover what we are.
* * *
When they call you
"the scum of the earth"
The scum of milk is cream!
* * *
You must love yourself
before you will permit yourself
to enjoy yourself.
* * *
There are those who believe that "Gay Lib" started on Christopher Street in 1969.
That is like believing
that a flower can bloom
without having been planted.
* * *
Human population is out of control,
literally exploding!
The earth simply cannot sustain so many people.
There will continue to be wars and plagues and pestilences
until we stop reproducing ourselves so abundantly!
Might homosexuality save the planet?
Organic Birth Control?
* * *
We are pain-savers!
We collect outrages and injustices
the way other people accumulate
paper bags and rubber bands!
* * *
We are humanity blossoming.
* * *
I’m in the habit of feeling rejected.
I go through the old syndrome
whether it is valid or not.
* * *
I’m trapped in a syndrome
& can’t get out!
* * *
Some people spend entire lives
hiding from each other,
and lying to each other,
and hating themselves for it.
* * *
We are the dreamers,
those seekers after truth,
the True Believers,
who, as children,
were called "too imaginative,"
We are the ones who saw the hypocrisy,
the blatant insanity,
which everyone else seemed not to notice,
or used for their own benefit.
We couldn’t help noticing that the Emperor was naked!
And often made the mistake of saying so!
We are the ones who wouldn’t settle
for a piece of horse manure
in our stocking for Christmas;
we keep looking for the pony!
* * *
It is easy getting into the Enchanted Forest.
The hard part is
in getting out again.
* * *
We are headed for mass-consciousness,
at first via radio, television and computers,
and then by our brains themselves.
We’ll have to clean house in our heads
before we let anyone in!
* * *

We have been taught to disbelieve
everything we are.
* * *
There is at least one thing which unites us:
We all believe in love!
* * *
We are doomed to chase the Impossible Dream
forever and evermore.
Otherwise we could not grow.
We become that which we seek —
but the dream grows as we grow,
evolves as we evolve!
* * *
We are all Gifted Children
that someone forgot to unwrap!
* * *
We are all fervent idealists!
So full of perfectionism
we crack if we bend,
and we judge ourselves harder
than any others.
* * *
"Gay Life" is like a port in a storm.
All sorts of dinghies tie up in it!
* * *

All I can give you is me.
I'm all I've got.
* * *
I’m glad I am!
I celebrate myself!
* * *
Fight ugliness with beauty!
* * *
"Never in a Million Years" was day-before-yesterday.

* * *
If nobody knows where we're going,
How will we know when we get there?
* * *
Modern music:
("I can torture you and call it art!")
* * *
If music is food for the soul,
then rap is the crap!
* * *
The history of humanity
is an incessant, almost imperceptible
movement toward perfection.
* * *
I am a perfectionist continually frustrated
by the impossibility of perfection!
* * *
I now believe that every single step of my life
has been necessary,
for one valid, logical reason or another,
in order for me to become what I am supposed to be:
* * *
I must follow the path I'm on,
no matter where it may take me.
Wherever it goes is where I should go,
to give me whatever it is I should have
when I'm finished,
when the path ends
and I get where I'm going.
* * *
My memory allows me to be me.
I wouldn't know what to do without it!
* * *
One of the first tricks we learn as children
is to recreate Mommy and Daddy inside our minds.
Thus we could anticipate what they would do
under certain imaginary circumstances.
Eventually, everyone important to us takes up residence inside our heads
and are up there, at this very moment, chattering away at us,
complaining and criticizing, making us feel guilty
even though we don't know why!
* * *
I was never taught how to "control" my "imagination."
Only to put it away very quickly,
whenever I was caught playing with it!
* * *
The "pendulum of change" swings each way
from "liberal" to "conservative"
approximately every 10 - 20 years.
each set of swings
moves us ultimately forward;
we never go back all the way.
(We’ve been going backward for 8 years, but
As of January 20, 2009, we are headed back the other way!)
* * *
Suppose dogs socialized humans rather than the opposite.
After all, dogs have been around a lot longer than people!
Suppose dogs taught people how to love and take care of them -
and to live in packs.
* * *
If you’ve never experienced
the love of a dog,
You’ve never known Love
in its purest form.
* * *
Dogs and old people get on very well together
because they truly love each other,
and neither requires intellectual companionship.
* * *
I have heard Truth singing!
* * *
Perseverance makes winners out of losers.
* * *
Television is homogenizing humanity.
* * *
When you feel bad, you see the worst in people;
when you feel good, you see the best!
* * *
Even if you've got the best equipment in the world
What good is it if you never use it?
* * *
The ultimate failure is to fail at failing.
* * *
In the land of the blind,
a one-eyed man is thoroughly distrusted!
* * *
Knowledge understood becomes Wisdom.
* * *
Wisdom is a treasure which cannot be hoarded,
but must be shared to have any value.
* * *
I would rather be an enigma
than a disappointment.
* * *
I am like a hidden fountain,
bubbling forth continually,
whether anybody drinks or not.